this is the exact feeling i had when i received my results yesterday.
suddenly i realised, i'm neither here nor there.
i thought the decision i made 3yrs ago is a good one, n my future has been paved out.
indeed, i do have a job waiting for me upon graduation, but now i wonder how far can it lead me? i seriously hold my reservations...
choosing NIE over SIM 3yrs ago was mainly due to finance problems.
i did not want to burden my family with the high course fees.
i did not want to get a degree that is probably not very recognised.
did i make a right choice/decision then?
i thought i did.
but, reality bites.
i should have gone ahead with SIM.
if only... i would have already graduated by now, with the degree safe in my hands.
but now,i'm still stuck in NIE.
i don't have much of an option now, which is fearing me.
if i were to leave the education line one day, which i think i most probably would, i'll have nothing else to fall back on.
this thought is getting more n more scary.
what should i do?
seriously, i think i'm quite a failure.
i don't know what exactly is it that i want in life.
i have not much of a goal/dream.
i'm actually quite contented with just passing each day smoothly.
but it'll be really hard to gain a stand in society with a mentality like this.
everything, everywhere, people are talking about qualifications.
you'll just bascially be a nothing if you do not have a degree.
i really dislike this type of crossroads alot!
because many a times, you think you have made the correct decision, but yet, few years down the road, you'll realise that it is not the best option.
by then, all regrets will be too late.
time has left you behind.
this is perhaps a real wake up call for me.
i'm no longer young.
i've wasted more than enough time.
much as i want to pursue BA in education, but it seems like it'll not be much worth afterall as this degree is only recognised by MOE.
going out to the society with it will prove nothing.
you'll still be a nobody.
i feel so lost!
really have no idea what is the next step i should do.
had a good talk with baby last night and that's when i realised that he's so so so matured in his thinking.
compared to him, i really feel useless!
he knows what he wants in life.
he knows which direction he is heading to.
he has plans for his future.
he has a goal, a dream.
whereas.... i think i have nothing.
i know its not going to work things out drowning in self pity.
actions have to be carried out.
the talk with baby made me wake up.
its time i do something about my future.
i actually have a dream, to set up my own student care centre/ tuition centre.
the naive me thought that all could be worked out so long i managed to save enough money during my 5yrs bond with MOE, and afterwhich i can set up my own business.
but, in reality, its not going to be so easy.
perhaps i should really consider SIM again.
and this time round, i guess i can afford to pay for my own school fees.
i can scrimp and save for the sake of it,
but at the end of the day, the important thing is which course should i take?
checked out some part time courses and realised most of them needed background of relevant diplomas and working experience.
i'm starting to wonder where can this diploma in education that i have from NIE take me?
am i really destined to get stuck in the teaching world forever??
i hope i can seek for an answer soon...
time is seriously running out...
please let me find my direction soon..
flying towards my dreams
@ |6/07/2006 12:43:00 PM|