thou i know that many of my frenz out there have most probably completed all observations, but i'm still thankful that i've cleared 7 CT observations, 2 SUP observations n 1 SCM observation.
my SUP came for the 2nd time on tues.
the observation was with my p5 class n we're doing compo teaching.
all that was thot to b well has to b destructed by the few "villians" in the class.
n i know their utlimate objective is to make sure i meet my doom.
no joke abt it, but kids nowadays r bloody smart!!
i knew they wld b up to some nonsense, but i nv thot it'll b that bad.
anyway, thou i still managed to subdue them n my SUP said i hv gd classroom mgt, i was still pretty upset by the whole issue.
thou their nonsense did nt affect my grade but somehow, i feel really sad!!
after the lesson, i could already feel the tears building up from within, they circled ard the rims of my eyes, but i disallowed them to fall out, at least nt in front of my SUP.
i tried to control my feelings n i was pretty amazed i cld still hold back for so long, until i went to talk to my CTs b4 my p2 class started in the afternoon...
that was my breaking pt...
b4 i went in, i told myself, no!! u hv to b strong n u cannot cry!!!
but..... my emotional self failed my rational self..
while i talked to my p5 CT abt the class, tears juz flowed uncontrollably...
somehow, i felt that i hv failed in my job, thou my CT told me that the SUP went to talk to her n he has very postive feedbacks on me, n how much he likes my lesson n so on...
but those were nt the words he said to me...
in fact, it was the total opp..
he made me feel that i was really v v v v lousy, n i'm nt fit to b a teacher...
but somehow, those were nt the words he told my CT... for that instance, i was at a loss as to whom to believe in.. all i know was that my heart was really wrenched in pain...
i thot all will b well after talking to my p5 CT, but i was wrong..
somehow i broke down even worse in front of my p2 CT n i guessed i gave the other teachers a shock... my p2 CT is someone whom one can talk v comfortably to, juz like confiding in a big sister... the moment i saw the look of concern on her face when she saw my eyes swollen-runny nose-tear-stricken face, i could nt control my tears again...
somehow, i'm really lousy at controlling my emotional self...
after recounting the story to my p2 CT as well as my ex CT n another teacher, i somehow felt more relieved.. their consoling words n reassurance made me feel much better.
perhaps i'm really a person w/o much confidence..
i know that i'll always put in my best efforts when doing anyth, but somehow, i'm always scared that it does nt reciprocrate to a gd result..
a good cry really relieves all the anxiety that has built up in me since the start of practicum...
i'm now all ready for another round of battle!!!!
n that explains how much i enjoyed my lesson with my p2 today.
i had an observation n i was supposed to b conducting a grp work..
i let my kids played an IQ game n i can see that they really enjoyed it alot alot...
i'm glad to at least see some of my hard work n efforts paying off.. at least to those who can appreciate it...
i'll not give up... irregardless of wad setbacks i might face n i hope i can live up to my words... :)
flying towards my dreams
@ |4/19/2007 09:03:00 PM|