together with mum n sis, i drove to westmall for lunch n to the library.
then we went on to my godma's house to visit my godpa.
he has been diagonsed with lung cancer a few months ago n according to the doctor, his cancer is in the last stage already n he's too old to receive chemotheraphy.
the only thing the can do for him is to give him medication.
my heart cringe when i heard of the news a few months back.
i wondered why did such an illness bestowed him when he's a non smoker?
why is life so unfair?
tormenting him only at this age when he's supposed to be enjoying his golden years?
i did not have much of the time n chance to visit him ever since his diagonise n i feel ashamed for that.
hence, since i get to drive today, i told mum that i want to go over to visit him.
i was pretty apprehensive about seeing him for i dun have an idea how he would look like now. according to mum, he looks like a completely different person the last time she visited him.
n indeed, i was taken aback when i saw him.
a sharp pain shot through my heart almost instantenously.
godpa looked so frail n sickly now.
from afar, he looked somehow like a skeleton wrapped up in skin, with a bloated stomach n swollen feets. the sight was almost unbearable.
tears circled the rims of my eyes when he called out my name n told me how happy he was to see me. the sharp pain emerged once again...
frankly speaking, i've always been pretty scared of visiting sickly people, not that i'm afraid of contracting whatever they have but i know i'm really bad at controlling my emotions.
which explains why i did not really dare to look into godpa's eyes while talking to him, for fear that i will lose myself.
godma says that he cant hang on long.
his condition is deteoriating day by day..
symptoms showing that he's leaving soon are appearing..
chills ran down my spine when i heard that.
how could life be so fragile?
juz a couple of months ago, he was still the healthy godpa that i know of, joking n cycling to everywhere n yet now, he even have difficulties walking...
the sadness that i feel is juz beyond what words can describe...
life is juz so fragile..
u'll nv know what will happen the next minute or the next second..
so pls cherish the things n people u hv with u now...
i know i do... :)
flying towards my dreams
@ |6/03/2007 09:16:00 PM|